I’ve Been Thinking
It started out innocently enough:
I began to think at parties now and then just to loosen up. Inevitably though one
thought led to another and soon I was more than just a social thinker.
I began to think alone — “to relax” I told myself — but I knew it
wasn’t true. Thinking became more and more important to me and finally I
was thinking all the time.
That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I turned off the
TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life – and that night she went
and spent the night at her mother’s.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don’t
mix but I couldn’t help myself.
I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau, Muir, Confucius
and Kafka. I would return to the office all turned around asking”What is it exactly
that we are doing here?”
One day the boss called me in. He said, “Listen I like you and it hurts
me to say this but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don’t
stop thinking on the job you’ll have to find another job”
This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation
with the boss. “Honey” I confessed, “I’ve been thinking…”
“I know you’ve been thinking” she said, “and I want a divorce!”
“But Hon surely it’s not that serious.”
“It is serious” she said lower lip aquiver. “You think as much as
college professors and college professors don’t make any money so if you
keep on thinking we won’t have any money!”
“I think that’s a faulty syllogism, I said impatiently.
She exploded in tears of rage and frustration but I was in no mood to
deal with the emotional drama.
“I’m going to the library” I snarled as I stomped out the door. I headed
for the library in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the parking
lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors. They didn’t
open. The library was closed.
To this day I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that
night. Leaning on the glass door a Thinkers Anonymous poster caught my
eye. “Is heavy thinking ruining your life?” it asked.
This is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a AT
meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video last week it was
“Porky’s.” Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since
the last meeting.
I still have my job and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed
easier some how as soon as I stopped thinking.
I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me. Today I took the
final step. I joined the Democrat Party.