I’ve Been Thinking

It started  out innocently enough:

I  began to think at parties now and then just to loosen up. Inevitably though one

thought led to another and soon I was more than just a social thinker.

I began to think alone — “to relax” I told myself — but I  knew it

wasn’t true. Thinking became more and more important to me and  finally I

was thinking all the time.

That was when things began to  sour at home. One evening I turned off the

TV and asked my wife about the  meaning of life – and that night she went

and spent the night at her mother’s.

I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don’t

mix but I couldn’t help myself.

I began to avoid friends at lunchtime  so I could read Thoreau, Muir, Confucius

and Kafka. I would return to the  office all turned around asking”What is it exactly

that we are doing here?”

One day the boss called me in. He said, “Listen I like you and it hurts

me to say this but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don’t

stop thinking on the job you’ll have to find another job”

This  gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation

with the  boss. “Honey” I confessed, “I’ve been thinking…”

“I know you’ve  been thinking” she said, “and I want a divorce!”

“But Hon surely  it’s not that serious.”

“It is serious” she said lower lip aquiver.  “You think as much as

college professors and college professors don’t make any  money so if you

keep on thinking we won’t have any money!”

“I think  that’s a faulty syllogism,  I said impatiently.

She exploded in tears  of rage and frustration but I was in no mood to

deal with the emotional drama.

“I’m going to the library” I snarled as I stomped out the  door. I headed

for the library in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into  the parking

lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors. They  didn’t

open.  The library was closed.

To this day I believe that a  Higher Power was looking out for me that

night. Leaning on the glass door a Thinkers Anonymous poster caught my

eye. “Is heavy thinking ruining your  life?” it asked.

This is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a AT

meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video last week it was

“Porky’s.” Then we share experiences about how we  avoided thinking since

the last meeting.

I still have my job and  things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed

easier some how as soon as  I stopped thinking.

I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me. Today I took the

final step. I joined the  Democrat Party.

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